


My little valley of peace

by Follow (Scheska)



Category: Infinite (Band)
Genre: AU, Angst, M/M, War!fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-09
Updated: 2014-08-09
Packaged: 2018-02-12 10:07:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2105706
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scheska/pseuds/Follow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"[...] I felt strangely sad to part, but the duty of a soldier was practically over anything else. I only hoped, in all honesty, that we both would be able to survive to see another day together. [...]"</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A glimpse

**Author's Note:**

> \- WW2 AU
> 
> \- Look at the additional tags, look at them
> 
> \- English is not my first language

Once I had left my friend in hands of the medical staff, I stumbled my way to the exit, trying to distance myself as much as I could from the stench of burnt flesh and spilled blood, from the screams of pain and the pleads for help. I saw the door, but took only one step towards it when someone smashed against me from the side. 

I barely held the suprised gasp as I met a pair or really sharp eyes, dark hair and round cheeks, pink, slightly plump lips, the bloodied white coat and hands, skin glistening in slight sweat, pale and sick looking. The second it took me to see him flew by and so did he, quick steps and confident movements, bossy voice directing and requesting. 

I finally left the place, feeling a little light headed, the high pitched buzz in my ears almost gone but still annoying. I heaved a long sigh and started walking around, rolling my neck and my shoulders, trying not to think about the black and red that swarmed those beds and the floor of the residential buildings a few blocks away. The column of smoke was still there, the income of injured and dead people still arrived to the frantic medic establishment behind me, I could still hear the shooting just outside the city, a searching squad hunting down the attackers before they fled. 

I leaned against a twisted tree and looked back inside to the chaotic swirl of life, death and desperate attempts in between. And I saw _him_ again, standing in place and wobbling a bit, face ashen and unfocused. His head jerked up, he looked back and then shouted something before dissapearing again. I felt the impending need to talk to him, to know him, this gentle looking yet imposing man of piercing sharp eyes and soft face. Who would know that I'd have my wish granted not long after, when he came out of the building, looking about to collapse, and sat himself right beside me, apparently not even noticing my prescence. I doubted for a while, not sure if there was any reason for me to actually talk to him, when he looked so beaten and sick. I didn't realize I had actually talked to him until his eyes focused on me and I saw the surprise in his face, probably noticing my own physical similarity to him. There was a light tremor inside of me when we looked at each other, I didn't know what it was then, only that it made me even more determinate to get to know him.

Had I known back then what he'd mean to me, what he'd become for me... He would grow to be like a little valley of peace hidden among the treacherous heights of this scorching hell; he was my sense of home, my anchor to a world beyond the war, my hopes for something more, my renewed reason to survive and my delusion for a light at the end of the darkness... 

The world, though, is not always bright.


	2. A sense of comfort

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- There might be some technical inaccuracies along the story, sorry about that, internet solved all my doubts.
> 
> \- Language
> 
> \- I'm not using the terms "troop", "squad" or "company" as synonyms, because they're not, but my understanding of the military internal organization is far from perfect (part of what I meant with the possible technical inaccuracies)

I was seeing double already, my headache pumping ferociously against my skull and shaking my senses until I couldn’t walk straight. The floor was moving, the air was buzzing in my ears, bright sparks danced in my vision and a hot, tickling sensation numbed my hands and feet.

Everything moved in a blur, creating a coarse symphony of rushed steps, anxious voices, urging calls, metal clattering, pained groans and agonized screams.

“Kim!” a loud, urgent voice boomed between the chaotic swirl of sounds and movement “Kim! How many on that side?!”

I had to halt my brain and restart it quickly, trying to put my ideas back in place and surpass the flooding of dizziness that invaded me.

“Uh…”

“Kim!”

“Uh… There’s…”

“God fucking dammit, kid! Tell me how many!!” the man started walking towards me, moving hurriedly between the scramble of people.

I shut my eyes tightly and forced myself to think, to count, to get back on my senses.

“Twenty settled, thirteen dead, eleven dying, I’ve got six with major burns and two for amputation and there are more than twenty waiting to get in!” I finally yelled back, my feet pushing me through the panicked people and to the nearest cot.

“Get nurses to the burnt and waiting ones! Go amputate now!“

“Yes sir!”

I pushed my way back, ushering a few nurses to their assignments and asking for the tools I needed myself. I had to pull up a young local girl from the floor and push her out of the building; nervous breakdowns were only a burden right now. Another medic bumped into me asking franticly for morphine, I gasped a little.

“What? There’s nothing left in our stock?”

“I can’t find any” he shook his head nervously.

“Oh shit” I ran a clammy hand through my messy hair “Shit, shit, ok, send someone to the main storage right now”

“Bu-“

“I said now!”

He nodded and practically ran away. I had to take a big mouthful of air, as foul and thick as it felt, to settle my nerves before moving towards where I had directed the two severely injured soldiers.

I had little hope when I asked for the anesthetic, so I almost jumped in joy when a pale looking nurse pulled a slender syringe from an overloaded metal plate.

“You’re so, so lucky buddy” I said to the man that lied down in front of me as I plunged the needle in a swift, overly practiced move “Just survive this and you’ll be going home, eh?”

Of course he didn’t even hear me, too busy groaning in pain and clutching the fabric of his torn pants, hands bloodied and right foot gone into a mass of burnt, ragged flesh.

The other man had died before I reached him.

The chaotic activity started calming down a few hours later, the litters full and the floor crowded with makeshift mattresses, blankets and clothing bundled up, boots laying all around, nurses sick and shaking, supplies thinned alarmingly and a still moving transit of deceased men going out of the building and towards the wide expansion of neatly placed corpses. I sighed long and heavy as I leaned against a wall.

“Hey” a heavy hand fell on my shoulder “You doing ok?”

“I’m not sure if I’m going to vomit or faint” I answered.

“You doing ok, then” the hand patted softly.

“Ugh” I rubbed my eyes with the heel of my hands “How bad was it?”

“Don’t ask yet”

“Oh God, that bad?” I looked at the man beside me.

“I don’t know for sure, but it looks pretty bad to me”

“Dammit” I let my head bump against the wall.

“Hey” he rubbed my arm “Go out there and take a breath of clean air, it’ll do you good”

“I can’t go out now, this is still a mess”

“But a manageable mess. Go before you lose it, come on” he pushed me towards the door “It reeks in here and you look sick as fuck”

“Ok, I’m out, I’m out”

I wobbled my way out, stretching my back and neck the moment I walked through the door. I took as much air as I could, it smelled like smoke and ashes, the fumes still raising and floating away, but it was cooler and more diluted than the stink of death back in there. I walked to a stone bench, covered in thin ashes, and slumped down, letting my head fall into my hands.

I had a little time to void my head of the agitated thoughts, until someone spoke next to me.

“Hey”

I looked up and found a soldier staring at me, and half a second later I let my eyes go wide in surprise, as it was an _asian_ looking soldier. His face was dirty as well as his uniform, his hair dark and messy but a little smile on his mouth.

“H-hi” I gave back.

“Medic” he said, gesturing with his head to me.

“Yeah”

“You look worse than me” he commented, the smile never faltering.

“Why thanks…” I grunted.

“I saw you in there, running like mad” he looked at the crowded building we were occupying “You actually bumped into me as I tried to get out”

“Oh? Don’t recall, sorry”

“Don’t be” he chuckled dryly “I was in your way, and I was feeling a little stunned to be honest, don’t know how you manage to actually do your job in such state”

“I’m sure you’ve had your share of crazy moments” I sighed as I closed my eyes, trying to soothe the still beating headache.

“Yeah, but I don’t have to treat ten dying men at the same time”

“No, only try not to get shot through the head”

“Survival” he nodded “And a few more things”

“Like shooting someone through the head”

“Exactly”

I sighed again. A little rustling and a soft clicking sound made me open my eyes again. The man was putting a lighter into his pocket, newly lighten cigarette clasped between his lips. I tried not to groan as he pulled it from his mouth to let out the smoke, but the smell still hit my face, and so I made to stand up.

“Hey, wait” he looked up with slightly widened eyes “You leaving already?”

“Yeah, I’m… I need to clear my head, maybe walk around…”

“Can I go with you?” he placed the cigarette into his mouth again.

“Huh?”

“I won’t talk if you don’t want me to”

“I-“ the new wave of smoke reached me and I couldn’t avoid the grimace “I’d rather be alone” I said between my teeth.

“Does this bother you?” he asked, raising the barely consumed cigarette between his fingers.

“I just have a killing headache”

“Oh, sorry, I’ll put it down-“

“No, don’t worry, just go on if you need it, I’ll-”

“I’d rather talk to you” he pressed the lit tip softly against the bench, blowing the residual ashes, and put the cigarette back into his pocket. He then looked up at me and patted the place of the bench beside him “Sit?”

I couldn’t really refuse, having him resign his smoke, so I sat back.

“You really didn’t have to”

“It’s ok” he chuckled again “Your name?”

“Sunggyu, Kim Sunggyu” I offered my hand.

“Nam Woohyun at your service” he introduced himself as we shook hands, a wide smile now stretching in his face “Is it safe to assume your family came on the same boat as mine then?”

“I suppose” I scoffed softly.

We kept each other company for a while, making light chat as we indulged ourselves into a peaceful rest from the shaken reality we were immersed in. The lights were turned on as the skies started to darken, the ruckus from inside the building slowly settling down into a constant murmur of diligent activity. I caught one of my fellow medics searching around and called him to ask him if I was needed, he assured me everything was under control and that, in fact, the head of the medics had actually sent him to tell me to take the rest of the day. I found it a little odd, but agreed with little complaint.

“Guess it’s your lucky day” Woohyun said beside me, but immediately retracted “Well, no, it’s was disastrous… But maybe your lucky night?” he attempted, throwing a tentative smile to me.

“Yeah, maybe” I said as I rolled my neck “If I manage some actual sleep it’d be the best night of the last days”

“You’re having it tough?”

“Kind of, yeah… But today was just…” I sighed “Hellish”

“That’s a pretty accurate way to describe it” he nodded.

I looked at him, studying his face a little.

“You were there?”

“Yup” he brushed his pants, I saw a light shake in his hands.

“You got out unharmed?”

“Pretty much” he replied curtly.

“Too soon for questions?”

“Yeah”

“Ok”

Silence washed over us, an awkward one. My headache was slowly subduing, and the sickness went along with it. I played with my fingers a little before looking at him again.

“Just one, though”

“What?”

“One question” he twisted his mouth but nodded once “’ _Pretty much’_ is not completely unharmed, anyone treated you?” 

He snorted amusedly “No, but-“

“Where is it?”

“It’s nothing-“

“Show me”

“Jus-“

“I said show me” I spat in the tight, authoritative tone I used with every ‘ _though’_ soldier I had to deal with.

He looked at me with a hint of surprise before turning in his seat and twisting his torso so he could show me his left arm.

“It’s just a cut” he mumbled.

“But an injury in the end… And not so little if I have to say” I commented as I inspected the wound.

“It doesn’t bother me”

“A guy in there kept talking while I ripped his burnt skin along with his uniform because he seemingly didn’t feel a thing and then he died five minutes later”

“Uh…” his mouth hung a little open.

“So you’d understand if I don’t really give a fuck if it doesn’t hurt or whatever, it _has_ to be treated”

“Ok…”

“Good” I couldn’t help to smile at his puppy-like expression, feeling the need to make up for the no-nonsense treatment “Wait here, then” 

I rushed inside and snatched a roll of gauze and a bottle of antiseptic along with a little pad of cotton from the supply boxes that still lay on the floor, left to be organized later. I returned to Woohyun and patched his arm, giving a few soft pats and a satisfied nod when done. He thanked me, still a little sheepish, and jumped back into the easygoing conversation.

The night settled as we talked, mostly about our home back across the ocean, finding a comforting sense of company and the fact that we shared so many things in common, something we were disaccustomed to. Soon enough, our talk fell into food, and both our stomachs growled in complaint. We parted ways with lingering goodnights and the implicit promise to try to find one another the next opportunity we had.

In no time at all, a new sort of routine accommodated itself around us, and around the stone bench where we had met. In the following days, whenever one of us had a pocket of time between our duties, we would go sit there and wait for, hopefully, the other to come. Many times it meant sitting alone until the time was up and we had to go back to our job, but the few times we managed to meet it was worth the boring wait.

On our second encounter we ended up sharing our experiences of being a foreigner (son of foreigners, even grandsons or something further away) in the field. We both had dealt with lots of rejections and groundless hostility, not only for the simple fact of looking so evidently different, but also aggravated by the burning conflict that was boiling on the eastern side of the world. It had taken a lot of time, patience and effort to win a place in the group, a place questioned constantly by almost every new face we met and sometimes even by our own comrades.

The sixth day after our first meeting, and also the day before our fourth encounter on the bench, I was informed by the head of medics that I was to depart with one of the squads that had taken refuge in the town. The news shocked me only so much, as the lenient treatment I had been receiving the last days was warning enough of something like that approaching.

When I commented it to Woohyun the next day, he looked at me with a blank face, starting a word a few times before actually speaking.

“I’m… sorry?” he frowned confusedly, to what I chuckled a little.

“No, don’t be, it was bound to happen sooner or later”

“How so?”

“I wasn’t part of this to begin with” I motioned to the building that had been acclimated as a makeshift hospital “I was one of the medics of a troop”

“Really?” the true surprise in his voice made me smile, but I let my lips go lax right after.

“Yeah…”

“How did you end up here then?” he asked, his inoffensive curiosity forcing me to answer.

“Things went wrong for us from the very beginning” I sighed.

“Uh…” he hesitated, seemingly not sure if he could ask or not, I wasn’t going to deny him, but I was not going to initiate it either “Where do you come from?” he finally asked.  


“Parachutes regiment” I replied.

“Oh… Oh, I see” I heard the little understanding in his tone “I heard part of them had it… hard”

“Our plane was taken down”

“Yeah, definitely not a good starting point”

I hummed "Big part of the the planes were hit. We spent a lot of time finding each other; almost half of my company had been wiped off even before they jumped, and then thinned more until we could reunite” I rested back on my hands, eyeing the cloudy sky “And a few more died soon after due to their injuries”

“Sorry to hear that” he mumbled.

“Mh…”

“So… After that…?”

“We tried to move forward, as we were supposed to, but the area was… How can I say it?... Infested”

“Oh”

“Yeah, we had been told that the path was rather unoccupied, the enemy forces concentrated on the main roads and towns had supposedly left the country side with lax protection, but… The information wasn’t so accurate. We were like practice targets for them, we spent nearly a month running from hole to hole and being slowly beaten to dust. By the time we reached a safest zone we were a pathetic little bunch of defeated men, dragging our wounded asses and practically on our knees asking for help” I spat the last part, clenching my fist so tight my knuckles turned white.

There was a bit of heavy silence before Woohyun’s wide hand patted my shoulder firmly “Why do you call yourself pathetic when you survived all that shit?”

“It was what we were at the moment”

“Momentarily defeated would be a better way to put it…” I shook my head before he could continue and he only squeezed my shoulder a little “So you arrived here?”

“Not here exactly, a village to the north, and from there we came down here to let the company vanish into nothing”

“What do you mean?”

“We arrived here as ten”

“Wha-Ten?”

“Yup, all that was left from an entire company in less than a month, ten half dead soldiers”

“Damn… So that’s why you stayed here?”

“Kind of” I nodded “They were lacking medical support here, badly, and the amount of people in need of assistance grew day by day, being in an occupied-and-in-process-to-be-recovered country with constant renewal of troops going back and forth, so they made me stay as some sort of emergency support as the rest of the guys was dispersed into other squads”

“I see… And now you’re getting back into action I guess”

“Yes, it seems like it, the new medical personnel arrived some time ago so I guess they just forgot I didn’t belong here” I shrugged.

He hummed in thought and then turned to me with a little hopeful smile “Hey, what if you’re coming with me?” he elbowed my side playfully.

“Dunno,” I tipped my head to the side thoughtfully “Are you with some guy called Miller? Lieutenant Miller, if I’m not wrong”

“Uh, no, that’s not us” he denied, a little pout making clear his disappointment.

“Don’t make that face” I laughed, pushing back my own sense of dejection “It makes you look too childish to be wearing that uniform”

“Yah, what’s that supposed to mean?” he pushed me jokingly.

“ _Yah_?” I called amused.

“What?”

“You just… I mean, you just _yah_ -ed at me” I couldn’t help to laugh more.

“What’s wrong with it? Stop laughing at me, dammit” yet he laughed along.

“I’m not” I tried regaining my breath “It just felt so… familiar, you know, and weird at the same time”

“Mh… I guess I know what you mean” he said, looking straight into my eyes.

“Yeah…” I averted my eyes to the side, feeling a little exposed under his heavy stare.

“Permission to get silly” he suddenly said.

“What?”

“Thanks” he went on “You know why I like so much to talk to you?”

“Because I’m great company?”

“Well, that too, but” he smiled wider “Being with you feels like being home”

I faltered in my answer, not really knowing what to say, debating myself between scoffing, smiling or walking away. I managed to pull a little smile back, even if I looked away “I guess it makes sense”

The noise of the movement around us drowned the silence that followed. We sat there, watching all around… Or I did at least, but I could feel his dark eyes watching me from the side.

“So, when are you leaving?” he finally said.

“First hour tomorrow”

He clicked his tongue “They could have given you a little more time”

“They could… But time’s not to be taken lightly nowadays”

“Sadly true” he sighed, then looked up at me again “I’ll be leaving a few days from today too… You think we’ll see each other again?”

“I don’t know” I honestly answered, holding his stare for once and finding in his face the deep disappointment I was feeling myself. It looked strangely misplaced in his young eyes, always sparkling even in the dull light of the town, and it pulled at something deep inside of me, the wish to see that pair of eyes, so similar to mine, shining with hope and amusement, not darkened with deception “But I certainly hope so” I tried to smile.

“Me too” he smiled back.

The following morning, even before the sun peaked from the horizon, me and my new group of comrades were set to depart. I could see in all their faces that I would have to fight all over again for their respect, I just hoped not as hard as the first time.

The last farewells were being exchanged, some of the local nurses subtly approaching some of the soldiers, members of other troops bidding goodbye to an old or new friend. And there was Woohyun, sleepy face and all, a big smile and warm eyes wishing me luck. I didn’t expect the hug in the least, not deeming our time together enough for such display of affection, but I also understood that our bond had been aided by so many factors that I couldn’t distinguish its nature anymore, the sense of comfort that he pressed onto me was almost intoxicating. I had known him for so little, yet felt that I’d miss him so much. So I hugged back, as hard as I could, rough pats on both our backs and threatens to stay safe and alive for our next encounter… ‘ _Or else’_ he had said, but nothing more.

I felt strangely sad to part, but the duty of a soldier was practically over anything else. I only hoped, in all honesty, that we both would be able to survive to see another day together. 

 

 


	3. The black sheep

To say luck was not on my side would be an understatement. I might as well have been born a Friday 13th and believed the pretty lie of a warm 28th for my whole life.

I had successfully departed under the command of Lt. Miller and advanced along his troop through the frozen landscapes of the occupied country. For the first days, things were rather calm, only few encounters with thin enemy forces. I still had to deal with the hostility of my new fellows in arms and slowly and steadily forge a little blanket of indifference to their more than evident lack of welcoming and distrust towards me. I had to push myself harder and task by task, display by display make myself needed and respected. It was not an easy job, but the support of the very Miller helped me fasten the process a little.

“ _You’ll cry for him to hold your wimpy hand when a bullet bites you in the ass_ ” was one of my favorite quotes from him, mostly because it actually happened. I had to bit my tongue not to laugh in the poor dude’s face as I tried to patch him up.

Sadly, the peaceful advance didn’t last that long. As days went by, we reached the frontier of the enemy’s country, and things got nastier and harder with every step we gave. We still managed to maneuver our way between the worst places, serving as aid for the stronger or bigger groups that were dealing with the ugliest points of resistance and only taking on our own the smaller threats.

Not much further into the enemy land, though, we hit a big bastard of an issue.

We had to clean a supposedly little guarding post in the woods, expecting no more than ten men and little to no resistance, but the not so pleasant surprise was to find an unsettling amount of, let’s say, over fifty _visible_ soldiers coincidentally stopping by on their way to who-knows-where, trucks and everything. We tried to dodge the post, fold back a little and try to warn the units behind us of a possible quick bite from the enemy, but, as I said before, luck does not like me very much. I still don’t know when or how, but we must have been spotted, because the silence all around us was disturbed slowly.

The first thing we heard was the low rumble of an engine, far and croaky, as we tried to advance near a big opening surrounded by an area with thinned mass of trees; then the woods started complaining under the heavy weight of something moving over its branches and between its tall trees. When the roaring died down, as slowly as it had begun, we were already flat on the ground, holding our breaths and hiding in every little hole we had found. We waited for some long, tense seconds, until the approaching hollow whistle of the ammunition ripping the air made our blood run cold.

The first impact hit a tree behind us, the second a little to the side, the third one blew up half a soldier in a gory display, and that’s how they located us. The engines came to life once again, the metallic rattling of the caterpillar tracks announcing the incoming war machines. I saw the first long cannon peeking from between the trees across the forest clearing and made a desperate attempt to crawl as far as I could. I heard the rest of the troop scrambling away in a similar level of despair, but it was all downed soon after by the blasting of the shooting guns, the explosions of the impacts all around us and the screams that followed.

Chunks of wood and soil flew in every possible direction, the dirt jumping to my face and making my hasty retreat almost a blind attempt. I followed Lt. Miller’s booming voice as he ushered us to take cover further into the thicker forest, but the coarse call for a medic halted my legs and made me turn around and hurry to the source of the yell.

Two soldiers were dragging a third one away from the enemy’s immediate reach, one of the healthy ones falling dead the moment a bullet got him through the neck. I fell beside the injured man and started pulling at the ragged fabric of his uniform to access the wound with shaky hands, while the remaining healthy soldier was looking torn between staying and helping me or keep on running into the woods. In the blink of an eye I had my hands crimson red and soaking blood, pressing onto the gash on the soldier’s side while trying to handle the roll of gauze and packs of thick cotton with flying bullets snapping and buzzing over my head. I took a glance over my shoulder and saw the solid figures of the _Panzer_ tanks hinted behind the thick trunks, the cannons still recoiling under the almost parsimonious shots, and the moving bodies of the approaching enemy soldiers sneaking into the forest to chase us.

“We need to move now!” the second soldier, who had stayed with me after all, shouted as he pulled at my arm.

“I need to treat this first or it’ll open wider!”

“Do it while we move!”

“I can’t-!” new fire opened around us, both the enemy’s and our comrades’ weapons shooting back and forth from the hidden proximities “Help me here!”

“How?!” I heard the panic in his voice, his body flattening against the ground in an attempt of avoiding the ammunition.

“Just hold this!” I signaled to the rags I was using to press the wound

“How?!”

“Just fucking hold it!” I shouted, right on time to get my face smeared in mud from a shot near my leg.

The renewed rattling of the tanks made goosebumps craw all over my skin.

“They’re bringing those shits over!” the other soldier screamed in a shaky tone, his hands trembling over the bloody rags.

“Just go! I got this already!”

“No freaking way! I’m staying with you now!”

“I’m a medic not an immunity shield!” I said, the buzzing of a few bullets flying over us as if to prove my point.

“Safer than running on my own!”

A trunk near us exploded in pieces and splinters, clouding us under dust and smoke.

“Ok, lift him from that side and move back!” I ordered.

We dragged the injured man, almost unconscious at the moment, between the rain of bullets and the lethargic shots from the tanks. The troop was still trying to back off and loose the big machines, but the enemy soldiers were making the task really complicated. I saw several fallen soldiers as I made my way further into the woods, tried to find anyone still alive but saw only corpses and pieces of them.

“Kim!!” the scream came from behind me, a soldier I recognized as private Johnson was lying on the mudded ground holding his leg.

I started to ran towards him, but a bullet got to him before I could. I faltered a little, having caught the exact moment when his eyes stopped watching me and he slumped lifelessly only two meters away from me. I was stunned, only for a second or two, my legs still trying to get me to aid him, my brain telling me he was already dead, but it was enough for one of the almost lost tanks to spot me, the red cross badge lost in the distance or ignored in the raging battle, and shoot.

The impact, right beside me, sent me flying a bit and onto the ground, my face covered in mud and my ears buzzing shrilly from the deafening explosion. I was stunned yet again, this time the grasp the daze held on my senses was stronger. The dust seemed to be falling in slow motion, the sounds of the confrontation low and sluggish as if I was underwater, the figures through the cloud of dirt mingled and wobbled almost drunkenly, my limbs were numbed and unresponsive.  I felt the explosions nearing, I heard the enemies approach, and I could do nothing to avoid it.

In that moment of incapability, of vulnerability and impotence, of approaching danger and inexistent power to defend myself, of a mixed sense of panic, desperation and resignation, my brain started to gently pull placid memories out from a hidden drawer in my head. I don’t know if they were intended to coax me into moving, if they were an attempt to soothe my fear as I waited for the final blow, or just a simple last try to burn the heartwarming images into my vision before I stopped seeing, before I stopped _being_ , but suddenly they were all I could focus on.

Over the silhouettes of the dead bodies, the cold mud, the resonating explosions, screams and shooting, I saw my home, the modest apartment building in the gray streets of the city, I saw my parents working nonstop at the family shop, I saw my few friends hanging around in the streets, I saw my older sister, spinning happily in her new dress and making the skirt fly graciously around her. I saw my mother’s worried, teary eyes as I said goodbye to all of them in my spotless, new uniform… And, for some reason, between the sunny image of my home, the darker vision of a wasted town peaked up, and I saw Woohyun, his goofy smile and his sparkly eyes still waiting for me, somewhere. I saw his smile faltering, and his eyes dulling… And I felt my own eyes moist and my heart clenching painfully at my own impotence.

My body made a desperate attempt at moving, my head spinning and my sight blurring alarmingly, but I managed to drag my arms and legs over the moving ground, my brain swarming with voices yelling, echoing, drowning. I crawled in the direction I hoped was the right one, but not far into my slow advance, I felt something hard and heavy hit me from above, and everything went black.

\--

“Oh, there he goes” a voice slurred near me “Come on boy, you’re our only medic, you know?”

I blinked my eyes open, my body lethargically waking up, and tried to focus on the face over me. Sergeant Kline was looking at me, a cigarette in his mouth and his face dirtier than I’ve ever seen it. He gave me half a smile and got up, saying something to someone and then helping me up.

It seemed we had made it out of the enemy’s grasp, had even taken several of them down, but they had ripped us to shreds. Half of the people that had departed with me from that little town now lay dead somewhere in the woods, the guy I had treated among them. The other half was right there with me, looking all kinds of beaten, dirty, tired, hurt and gloomy.

I felt a grim sense of déjà vu.

We were huddled into an abandoned shack, probably home of some missing shepherd, near the foot of a rocky looking hill, watching the landscape already sunk into the darkness of the night. A couple of soldiers were up in higher ground taking guard as the rest rested from the agitated day. We were only taking a small break before moving on, as we were still rather exposed halting near the woods. We would have to get in the forest again for a little while and use it as cover until we found our way.

As the silence engulfed our grim moods, I leaned back against the tiny pieces of memories I had forced myself to remember when knocked down in the middle of the clash back into the forest. Needless to say, my home and my family were my light at the end of the tunnel, they had been since the moment I put a boot clad foot into the training camp. But now there was a little glow right beside them; a sparkle of warm comfort that stood closer, like a middle point between this hell and the enveloping reassurance of my home. And it was Woohyun. It was him and all the rushed emotions that he had ignited in me during the fleeting time we shared, a sense of encouragement, of company, of support, of relaxation, of hope. So many things were already attached to his presence, to the simple thought of him, that I found myself longing to meet him again, fearing that maybe another encounter like the last one would finally whip my existence from the earth and I would never see him again, I would never fulfill my promise to stay alive to meet each other. And it came accompanied by a reflected fear, the dread that this same danger loomed over his head too, and maybe, while I escaped death this time… What if he hadn’t?

I heaved a shaky sigh and shook the thoughts out of my head, focusing instead on tending the injured survivors and dealing with the nasty looks and comments from some over my inutility back at the confrontation. I knew the agitation and depression were encouraging their foul attitudes, and I had no energy to even try to retort, so I chose to ignore it the best I could and get myself ready for our roaming around the next day, as we were to set out the very second the night faltered under the light of the new day. 

We had distanced ourselves from the planned route to the point of getting slightly lost, and on top of that, there was a chance of more enemy forces not far away, so the next morning found us wandering in the woods with dubious steps, trying to locate our position in the quietest way possible.

The brightest hours were passing by, the thick clouds dulling the forest into a gloomy, shadowy display of the cold weather. Most of us were shivering, rubbing rough hands on tired arms and legs to get the most of the warmth of the friction, faces ashen and boots sinking in the muddy ground. I think some of us might not even know where they were going anymore, simply following the pack blindly, and I was starting to get closer to the men that looked more likely to fall to the ground when the hints of noise not too far halted our moves. The state of alert awoke the drowsiest of us as we padded over the dead, moist foliage, breathing only the necessary and darting our eyes to every side we could. If it was a small target we would take it, if not, we’d evade it, hopefully better than the last time.

Hiding behind the trunk of a big old tree, I tried to catch Lt. Miller’s attention with slight movements of my hand. When he saw me, he signaled me to move forward, so I slid between the branches of the bushes, crouching low, and neared another thick tree. I was about to move past it too, when the shift of something from the other side sent my heart into a maddened race. I clutched my rifle firmly, ready to shoot, and turned around the trunk, only to be met with the cannon of another weapon pointing right at my face. In the first two seconds, I could only think of what to do to shot and not be shot back, but then, a deep, very familiar voice whispered into the cold air of the woods.

“Sun… Sunggyu?”

I focused my eyes on the soldier in front of me, not the rifle, and noticed that he was one of us. And, to make it better, he was none other than Woohyun.

As I lowered my weapon, and he did the same, I heard the acknowledgment of the rest of the soldiers as they came to the same realization than us. I didn’t even know what I was doing as I swung my rifle back and started unfastening my helmet, watching as he did the same, a little smile on his face stretching into a huge grin. I took the three steps that distanced us and threw my arms around him, his own wrapping me back in a stuffy hug that tightened slowly.

“I can’t believe this” his voice shook with incredulity “I can’t fucking believe this” he chirped again, the beginning of soft laughter rumbling into his chest and against mine.

“Crazy shit, huh?” I laughed into his shoulder.

“You bet it is!” his arms tightened a little and he made a weird strangled noise, like a puppy playing at growling “I’m not letting you go again”

“What?” I chuckled “What nonsense are you speaking?”

“It’s a clear sign-” he said, but was interrupted before he could go on.

“Hey you two!” We raised our heads, not letting go of the hug, to see a man and Lt. Miller approaching us “What’s this? Long lost lovers or something?” said the unknown man.

I pulled away from Woohyun and cleared my throat a little, rather uncomfortable all of a sudden.

“Oh… Wait, I see” Miller said, big blue eyes moving between Woohyun and me “I guess my boy here wasn’t as exotic as I thought” he laughed as he patted my back roughly.

“ _Exotic_?” I heard Woohyun mumble in a tone that mixed confusion and indignation.

“Don’t take it badly, he means good” I mumbled back.

He raised an eyebrow at me, but shrugged it off.

We joined Woohyun and his people, clearly not able to do much on our own anymore, and to the guy’s absolute joy. We patched ourselves as best as we could, exchanging all the information we could and finally finding out where we had ended up. We weren’t too far from the edge of the woods, and if we moved to the east along them, we would end up not far from the capital city, a few other towns in between. It seemed a little unbelievable to be so near of what could mean the end of this entire nightmare, but, if we weren’t misplaced, then the map didn’t lie. 

We marched steadily to the eastern side of the forest, keeping a low profile and alert senses. I couldn’t indulge myself into catching up with Woohyun during our way out, but when we hit the open fields, everyone seemed to relax simultaneously. And a relaxed Woohyun seemed to mean a chatty Woohyun. We exchanged our past days and weeks in hushed whispers during the night, when we didn’t take guard and sleep wouldn’t come to us, and also during the day, when we could walk with minor worries, when we stopped to check our route, while we ate, after raiding a little village scarcely occupied by armed forces.

“Seems like you keep running out of luck” he commented.

“Don’t even say it… I actually think I might be the source of bad luck instead of just lacking the good one”

“What?” he chuckled and turned to me, but the amusement dissipated a little as I met his face with my serious one “Come one, you can’t be serious”

“How can I not?” I shrugged “The arrival was a disaster, we were chased through all the way to the first friendly base, the entire company I belonged to dissolved into nothing, the city I stayed at gets blown upside down, the second troop I join gets hunted down through the woods and-“

“And then we met again” he smiled, but I could only feel the dread run through my veins.

“I’m starting to think meeting you again was not so good”

“Why are you saying that?” he said, that freaking pout back in his face.

“Don’t do that” I pushed his cheek playfully “And… Come on, every place I’ve been, every person I’ve marched with… What if I do the same to you? It’s like bringing the black sheep into the herd”

“Black sheep? What the fuck, man? Don’t talk shit like that” he frowned, maybe for the first time towards me “You’re a freaking medic, and a good fighter on top, so you’re pretty much a fucking _gift_ for anyone who gets to group with you”

“Am I a gift to you?” I snorted.

His frown melted into a goofy smile in a second and I couldn’t help but to smile back.

“The best I’ve had in a long while”

“God, you’re weird” I laughed, but let him wrap his arm around my shoulder.

As our conversation drifted away from the subject, I held onto the feeling of amazement over how such simple words from him could soothe my mind so easily, how reassuring his mere presence felt, how I held onto him to feel the pushing need to survive burning with renewed strength.


	4. My little valley of peace

I was shaving with a knife in front of the dusty mirror of the bathroom of an abandoned farm house, when Woohyun’s head popped up behind me.

“The f-?” I jumped a little “Do you _have_ to do that? I almost slit my throat”

“Sorry” he chuckled “I was about to go check the little warehouse back there, you coming?”

“Sure, why not?” I shrugged.

As we walked to the shabby little storage, I noticed his bouncy steps.

“What do you think they kept in there? Maybe something we could take?” he asked.

“I don’t think so, there’ll probably be some farming tools and stuff like that”

“Ah, don’t be so boring” he laughed a little.

“Boring? You’re the one that’s a little too jumpy, aren’t you?”

“Nah, I have to balance my battling moments, you know? Put a little… Happiness, you could say, into the equation”

“Happiness? Really?”

“Yeah, well, it’d be more like some optimistic thinking… But” he stopped walking and looked at me for a while, then added with a little smile “No, yeah, it’s not that far from happiness sometimes”

I snorted at him “I can’t believe you’re the same guy I see in battle”

“Well, that’s what I’m talking about”

“What?”

“I can’t be that dull, cold… uh…”

“Killing machine?” I provided, but he shivered a little at the term.

“I just have good aim, ok?”

“ _Really_ good aim, and awesome reflexes, great speed and quick thinking… And good gut feelings too” I added “Honestly, I thank God you’re on my side”

“Thanks I guess… But the point is that I can’t be that all the time, I don’t want to… It’s just not me”

“What are you then? The romantic guy next door?”

“Kind of, yeah”

I stared at him, he stared back.

“God you’re weird” I laughed.

“I’m not” he denied “It’s you that’s gotten all… Uh…”

“What?”

“Never mind” he sighed as he resumed his walking.

“No, wait, I’m gotten all what?” I insisted, following him and losing a little of the good mood.

“Nothing, ok?”

“The fuck man?”

“I wasn’t going to insult you or anything if that’s what bothers you”

“Then what’s wrong with me, huh?”

“Nothing’s _wrong_ ” he turned to me once again halting his steps “I was going to say something stupid anyway”

“Stupid how?”

“Can you please let it go?” he looked at me with his by-now-famous puppy eyes, but I did not falter “Damn, why are you so stubborn?” he rolled his eyes “It’s just that… I mean not all of us went through the same stuff, ok? And not all of us reacted the same way to… well, whatever happened”

“So?”

“I guess you got… colder because of that”

“Colder?”

“Yeah”

“That was the big fucking deal? You think I’m cold?”

“No, you’re not-Ugh, see why I said let it go?”

“Just finish your idea” I pushed.

“Look, I came here without major complications, ok? We landed neatly, made our way to the designed positions, found little to no resistance, maybe a few nastier encounters… Heck, it hasn’t even been that long since I got into this-“

“What’s your point?”

“I don’t even know, ok?” he sighed.

“So, you didn’t have your company smashed to dust, what about it?”

“Why do you sound angry?”

“I’m not”

He clicked his tongue, but went on “I’m… I just think that I’m rather lucky… In comparison”

“To me?”

“Stop sounding so freaking mad”

“I am not” I mouthed exaggeratedly.

“Well you sound pretty mad to me”

“Stop it already and finish” I sighed exasperatedly, to what he responded with a sigh of his own.

“I’m just trying to use my not-so-hard experience to… to” he struggled with the wording “Uh… _brighten_ up a little… things around you” he finished.

“Brighten up things around me” I repeated.

“I swear if you keep that angry tone…” he closed his eyes, but I couldn’t stop myself from breaking into a laughing fit “W-Why are you laughing?”

“You’re just so fucking _weird_ ”

“I’m n-…Don’t-…” he sighed again, but his smile betrayed his offended act “Well it’s fucking working isn’t it?”

“It sure is” I nodded patting his shoulder, stray giggles still escaping me.

As we resumed our walk to the little warehouse, I let him attack me with his puppy like behavior constantly. I didn’t tell him, not then and not for the rest of the day, that he didn’t need to do anything in order to brighten things around me, just him being there did the trick. In all honesty, I had grown greatly attached to the guy in the time we had spent together, and I could confidently say the same for him. I didn't realize at first but we spent lots of time together, we looked for each other every time we could, we ate together, walked together, hid together, fought together... The rest of the troop almost treated us like a single person (a few still in a spiteful manner), even Lt. Miller joked about us being glued together, _'like needle and thread'_ , as Woohyun had said once. And I couldn't agree more.

Little by little, I felt myself slipping into a familiarity I hadn’t felt in a long time, allowing some displays of affection and trust that, given any other situation, any other person, I wouldn’t let myself show. But there was something in Woohyun that made me open up to him and just let him get closer, so close that sometimes the line between us blurred… Quite alarmingly.

I first blamed the pressure, the fear, the uncertainty and many other things I thought were bad enough to twist my reason into allowing too much proximity between us. But I didn’t take too long to stop my self-justification and simply lean into the warmth of what I had called a mistake.

It started as simple touches that lingered a little more than usual, long glances that hinted words that never came out of his mouth, and words that hinted meanings never expressed. I thought nothing of it at first, then suspected a misunderstanding from my part, then feared not being mistaken, and finally I poked back to see if I was right. And I was.

My little squeeze to his fingers immediately triggered a slow but fluid movement in him, in all of him; his hand wrapping mine, the space between us disappearing into nothing, his eyes attaching to mine with an intensity I had never seen in them, and his smile, tiny and soft, urging me with a question I didn’t know how to answer. It got only so far that time, the voices of our fellows calling out for us from the inside of the rundown church. But it continued deeper into the night.

The rustling against the stony floor gave him away before the shy tug at my sleeve. I considered faking sleep, but an anticipated sense of guilt made me turn to face him. His eyes were big (as big as our eyes could go) and filled with doubts, clear even in the pale light of the moon. He opened his mouth to speak, but didn’t seem to make up his mind to actually do so, I felt his hand tug a few times more, even when I was already looking at him, and his eyes falter and regain determination over and over again. I felt a little bad for him, even when I wasn’t too thrilled by what he was trying to convey. I lifted my hand and rubbed his arm reassuringly, in a ‘ _don’t worry, let’s forget about this_ ’ way, but he might have mistaken my gesture for another meaning, because he gripped harder at my sleeve and leaned in. I didn’t react quick enough to push him away, to pull back, to even comprehend what was going on.

His shaky breath hit my face as his lips captured mine in the most soft, shy kiss I’ve even felt. When he pulled back, almost immediately after, his eyes were even bigger than before, his hands both clinging onto me and his lips pressed into a tight line. I didn’t react, I kept staring at him, too submerged in shock and confusion to realize the second mixed signal I was sending him, and so he leaned in again, this time more confident, his brow firm into a determined scowl and his mouth more solid against mine, but his hands were holding onto my arms as a child clinging to his parents, and his eyes were still shaking with fear and question. As he pressed himself against me, a sudden surge of impotence flooded my mind, I felt the need to indulge him, to grant him this little escapade from the reality he lived in, the reality _we_ lived in. To see him, the brave soldier I had seen in action not long ago, become this little shaky child just because of this squeezed my heart a little too tight for me to think clearly. And so I shifted, turning on my side and facing him, I held his face with both my hands and placed a long flush kiss into his forehead, then wrapping my arms around him and pulling him tightly against me. I felt him let out a shaky breath against my neck before hugging back.

From then on, it became something like a routine for us to sneak affection back and forth, under the numbed sight of our comrades, in the corners of abandoned houses and in the shadows of the cold night. Warm smiles and soft brushes of hands, stray caresses and a peck on the forehead, another on his cheek, him nuzzling into my neck and a little kiss on his knuckles. Slowly, step by step, touch by touch, he made his way further past my limits and my reluctance, going from a brush on my cheek to a kiss on my nose, from a squeeze of hands to a heavy caress to my side, from a shy little peck to a full kiss on the lips, from sharing a blanket to a flush hug pressing from head to toes, from a smooch to a ‘french kiss’, and so he went on, and I didn’t stop him. I couldn’t reject him.

The time I knew I was beyond justification was the night I woke up to his hands under my shirt. I barely suppressed my instinct of plunging a knife into his gut, taking a gasping second to recognize it was him and not an enemy trying to butcher me in my sleep. Past the startle, he moved again, and I noticed his other hand on my hip. I still nursed some doubts and reluctance as he pressed close to me, searching almost blindly for my mouth as his hands slid further under my uniform, but it all fell apart the moment he smashed his lips onto mine, the hungriest kiss he had gave me so far. I let myself loose into his hold and gave as much as I got, my hands roaming over his dirty, sweaty skin, gripping at his hair and pulling at his clothes; our legs tangled the best way we could; our labored breathing pushing between us and our mouths desperately devouring one another. We molded ourselves together as quietly as we could, swallowing each other’s groans, moans and yelps as our hands grew bolder and our hearts went wild.

Once we came back from the little high, forcing our breaths into normality and our brains into rationality, I felt Woohyun pulling me against him, his arms locking us impossibly close, and dropping a soft peck to my swollen lips, his breath warm and steady.

“You feel like home” he whispered, to what I opened my eyes to his own, bright, intense and filled with such warmth that I felt my breath quiver “A new home, one that holds you and only you,” he took my hand and lifted it to his face, placing it softly on his cheek “and all the peacefulness that you make me feel”

“Like a week end house?” I smiled softly.

“Yeah” he let out a breathy chuckle “The dreamy house, hidden in a little valley between the mountains”

“That sounds peaceful” I agreed.

“It is… My little valley of peace between all this fucking hell of a war, that’s what you are” he said, his eyes never leaving mine “Am I yours?”

I leaned in, prompted by the pleading in his eyes, and pressed a kiss against his sharp nose.

“Of course you are” I let my eyes close “My safe, warm home in that same little peaceful place”

I heard him laugh softly, then sigh.

“I’m not letting you go” he whispered against my forehead.

“How so?”

“I’ll find you as many times as I have to”

“We found each other”

“Yes, and we’ll do it again”

“When?”

“When we need to… When we go back home after this war ends”

“Yeah, that’ll be nice” I mumbled, feeling sleep claiming a bit of my consciousness.

“And then again…”

“When?”

“In our next life”

I chuckled sleepily.

“Really?”

“Yeah, we’ll keep finding each other until the end of times”

“We will?”

“Yes we will, of course we will”

I hummed softly.

“I hope you’re right”

Another breathy chuckle hit my face softly before I let myself drift into sleep.

\--

A few days and hardships later, we found ourselves fighting our way into a dark, smoky city that was slowly crumbling down under the weight of the ammunition. Rumors had it that the majority of the enemy soldiers across the continent were already defeated, surrendering when they could and running away when they couldn’t. Allied forces had made it to the proximities of the capital city, and they were pushing the resistance back inside, shaking their last resolve into surrender or death.

The occasional muffled explosions that shook the packed buildings reached our ears as a clear sign that this particular city hadn’t given up, its last forces fighting us with nails and teeth and their desperation rivaling our exhaustion. Bending over and hurrying our feet across the edge of the city, we made use of everything we could to cover ourselves. I let myself fall to the ground, hiding behind a big and long mound of dark, humid soil that was doing the times of a trench for a few of us. I spotted a few dead soldiers sprawled on the ground ahead, in the flat expanse of land that separated us from the decadent city.

“Stay low and moving” the coarse whisper of St. Kinnel, a lanky but very imperative man from Woohyun’s squad, put my feet on the move again.

It had started to rain again, the sounds from the city calming down until there was silence. Our boots kept sinking in the mud, the dampened air felt sticky on our dirty faces and clothes, and the city kept getting closer and closer. We dispersed into the first street, taking cover inside the depleted houses and stores, and started moving further inside with cautious steps. The area seemed to be under control, no movement besides the smoke emanating from some buildings, and we let some breaths of relief when a few allied soldiers popped up from a corner and made us signals to approach. We gathered with them and received the news that the place was mostly secured, but that had been said just in time to be interrupted by a loud explosion coming from the other side of the city and, not two seconds later, the alarming sound of a confrontation.

Without wasting time, we moved quickly towards the ruckus, moving through the destroyed streets and among the fallen soldiers of both sides until we bumped against an incinerated jeep and a shower of bullets surging from every possible direction. It seemed that a group of remaining enemies had gathered across the street and refused to give up without fighting to their very last man. I saw a bunch of us hunched behind walls and rubble, not able to even peek out because of the heavy, unrelenting offensive that oppressed them. They seemed stuck in their position, not able to neither fight back nor run away, the soldiers that arrived to the place falling into the same situation, only not so exposed. I instinctively searched for Woohyun among the people, and found him nearing the street from the flank. His approach sparked the same idea in me, so I started looking for a path from the sides.

_They just need a little chance to fold back,_ I thought, looking around for a way to help them.

I crawled to a crumbled wall, dragging myself slowly on the ground until I reached a half destroyed house that could do for some protection. Once inside, I moved faster to the other side, the closest I could get to the main source of enemy fire I could locate, and plastered my back against the wall. I counted to three before throwing myself into a dash across the street, hearing the shots exploding in my direction and the foreign screams filled with urgency and rage. I felt one bullet brush my leg, the pull soon replaced by burning, but besides that I managed to cross unharmed. I wasted no time, moving quickly through the ruins of the residences while keeping all my senses at top alert in search for foes.

I found the first one up a flight of stairs, luckily spotting him before he saw me, and placing a bullet right between his eyes. I immediately ran up the stairs to catch almost unguarded the other two that were hidden there. In my way out, the very familiar call for help sounded under the chaos of the battle.

“ _Medic!!_ ” the soldier’s hoarse voice yelled evidently at the top of their lungs.

I didn’t know if there was any other medic around, but I was not going to suppose so. I ran back out, peeking from behind the wall to try to find the source of the call. There were two men hiding behind an overthrown truck, right in the middle of the street. I could see, even from the distance, the scarlet that dampened their clothes and hands, one of them grimacing clearly.

“Me-!! Kim!!” the healthier one, who I recognized was private Porter from my own squad, shouted when he saw me.

I nodded at him as I tried to find a way to get to them without getting killed in the process, but I could see nothing. The only option I could consider was to go back the same way I had crossed, so I took a breath and counted to three again, before I sprinted to the truck.

The first bullet hit the ground right beside my right foot, but the second one hit my shoulder almost dead on. I slumped down over the injured man and started pulling at his hands to reveal the wound, then opened the tight pack I carried attached to my waist and dug for the things I needed. While wrapping the gauze around his hand, wrist and arm, I could feel my own arm loosing strength, my hand shaking and the pain burning over any other sensation near my shoulder.

“You got shot Kim!” Porter said as I finished with the wounded man.

“Yeah… I don’t think it’s too…” _bad_ , I was going to say, but when I looked to my shoulder I found half the sleeve of my uniform drenched in blood “Ah, shit”

It was as if my brain had been ignoring the wound until I saw it, because that very moment the pain intensified and the little strength I had left vanished. I reached for the pack of medical supplies with a shaky left hand, attempting to fix myself up the fastest I could, as we still were in the middle of the street.

“Let me help you man” Porter offered as he took the gauze from my hand.

I barely had to give a few indications to him as he helped me wrap the injury, as he himself had seen stuff like this enough times to get a hint, but my vision had already started to falter a little by the time he finished.

“Ok, now the leg” he said.

“What?”

“Come on! Just stretch it out so I can work on it!”

I worried a little about having forgotten about the other hit I had taken, even more when I noticed it was as bloodied as the shoulder.

“What the fuck?” was all I could muster as Porter fought with the roll of gauze “I barely felt anything…”

“How can you not feel it?” he asked incredulous, ripping a piece of the gauze and cursing.

“I just… I don’t… Feel my leg that much”

He looked up at me, worry clear in his face, before he got back to the bundle of fabric he was trying to work with. I felt my head lull to the side a few times, my hearing numbed a little and the little shiny sparks dancing in my vision.

“Come on, Kim! Stay here, will ya?” Porter slapped my face not too roughly, but harshly enough to bring me back to my senses.

“The fight died down, didn’t it?” I asked in a slurry voice, my hands lifting to unfasten my helmet as I was starting to feel it heavy and oppressing.

“It seems like it” he said, eyeing me concerned for a while before he continued “That friend of yours, the Nam guy, broke into the enemy and gave us a breach to fire back… Impressive little bastard”

“Hey… I did that too” I protested halfheartedly, as I knew Woohyun was indeed an impressive bastard when in battle.

“Yes, I saw you-”a few shouts came for the proximities. Porter eyed me, then my leg and the still tangled bundle of gauze, before peeking out from the cover of the truck “God, what a mess… “ he said in a defeated voice “They’re pulling someone out… Oh, hey Kim, I think there’s-“

“ _Medic!!_ ” came the call once again “ _Where are the medics?!_ ”

“Here!” Porter called back “Wait I’ll help him go!”

“ _What?_ ”

“Come on, you’re needed” he told me, wrapping an arm under my own to help me up.

“Ugh, what did you do to my shoulder?” I hissed in pain as I walked along with him.

“It’s the best I can do, ok? I had no training for it, didn’t study-“

“Oh, for fucks sake! Not our medic!” Miller’s voice boomed near me.

“I’ll be fine” I mumbled in response, not sure they heard me

I tried to focus on the man on the ground ahead. A soldier beside him turned towards me, his eyes swiftly running over my figure and showing a sliver of confusion briefly.

“He’s almost as bad as him, there’s little he can do! Go get the other medic!” he said, at what I felt kind of offended, but accepted was true “What’s his name?”

“Palmer, I think” someone answered “But he’s not here-“

“Go look for him then!”

I saw the man shake his head a little and then move to let me through, revealing the fallen figure of a soldier, his side bloodied and helmet off…

The air got stuck in my lungs when I saw his face, splashed with mud and scrunched in pain.

“Woohyun!” I pushed Porter away and hurried forward, stumble upon slip, falling to my knees and half over him “How-?” I let my mouth hang open as my hands started clumsily tending the open wound on his side.

His eyes opened slowly and moved towards me, the trembling lips stretched to form a lopsided smile.

“Go get the other medic!” the voice of the man behind me boomed again “He can’t- Holly shit, he bleeding a freaking river!”

“They’re looking for him, all right?” someone shouted back, then followed with a mumble “Fucking shit”

A pair of hands pulled at my healthy arm.

“Kim, don’t’ strain the arm you’ll make it worse!”

“Let go!” I yelled, pulling my arm free and trying to stop the flow of blood that kept coming from Woohyun’s wound “I need to fix _this_ first!”

“Your leg-!”

“Let go!!”

I ignored the rest and their shouts and pulls as I continued to focus on the man before me. He didn’t lift his gaze from me, the weak little smile still playing at his pale lips, the crimson blood diluting with the pouring water, but still staining everything I saw. I could feel my limbs growing shakier, the painful tickling sucking my energy away as I felt the warm wetness of my own blood sliding down my arm and leg.

A new ruckus started rising near us, the soldiers dispersing and dropping commands right and left as the sounds of a new threat moved closer and closer. I dragged myself and Woohyun the best I could a little further behind the wall that was serving us as cover.

A red, shaky hand landed softly over my own, also trembling and dirty while trying to press a nasty bundle of gauze over the open wound. I looked up and caught Woohyun’s stare, glassy and tired, but still so warm. He seemed to take in a big mouthful of air and opened his mouth to speak, but had to try a second time before he managed to do so.

“You’re bleeding…” he croaked.

“You too” I said back, my voice trembling more than what I expected and the action draining more energy than it should.

“You look bad” the corner of his mouth lifted ever so lightly.

“You too” I choked.

He was about to speak again, but his throat moved in a gagging motion, and a little trail of blood slipped from the corner of his mouth. I felt my chest constrict in fear as I watched his eyelids fall close slowly and open again, the second I couldn’t see his dark eyes feeling frighteningly long.

The voices around us sounded far and weak, I couldn’t feel my legs anymore, my head was drifting into a dizzy state of numbness only pushed away by the impending need to keep Woohyun alive. I tried to move my hands, to tighten the bandage over his injury, but I could only drag them shakily over his side, a hot feeling of exhaustion flooding my veins, followed almost immediately by the cold sense of disconnection. I took as much air as I could and focused all my energy on my hands and arms, my sight blurry and wobbling, already invaded by the little white dots that flew around.

Something exploded, far away and distorted by my faltering sense of hearing, voices shouted and things moved, but it all remained so distant, so alien to me, so unimportant. I was occupied in feeling my hands, in keep breathing, in hearing Woohyun’s breathing, in feeling Woohyun’s hand around mine.

Just like that time back into the woods, my brain seemed to feel the impending need to summarize my motivations, a desperate last attempt to fuel my remaining strength with the only thing that could lure me out of that hell, and so it forced the memories into my fuzzy head; my mother’s teary eyes, my father’s proud face, my sisters happy dancing, my friends loud laughs, Woohyun’s warm smile, Woohyun’s warm hands, Woohyun’s warm eyes, Woohyun’s warm existence... Woohyun’s warmth slipping through my cold, numb fingers.

A low, rumbling voice sounded weak under me; my name… and something else. The warmth around my weak hand tightened slightly.

A new cold started falling upon me slowly. I felt something wet dripping over my face and hands, I opened my eyes, didn’t know when I had closed them, I found myself bending over Woohyun, my head resting on his chest. I couldn’t see more that blurry figures moving around, and Woohyun’s face. He was still looking at me, smile almost gone and eyes dull. I felt my throat choking me, my hands using all that was left of my energy to keep the wound from bleeding more, the rest of my body numb and weak.

There was something, a little murmur near me, I couldn’t place it but it was monotonous and faint, a simple succession of two little sounds, a short, low, bumping one, and a feeble whisper afterwards.

I found myself opening my eyes again, but not seeing anything. There was a spark, then  two, and a bunch of little dots of light moving and joining until I could see the fuzzy image of Woohyun again… But he wasn’t looking at me anymore, his eyes were closed, dark eyelids shut and pale face still, a new streak of blood staining his chin.

I couldn’t feel my hands anymore, I could see nothing but Woohyun’s ashen face, but the little sound was still there, only incomplete. The short, low bumping noise was gone, the whisper was still repeating.

In all my numbness, I could feel my own heart struggling to keep up with the rest of my body, I could feel my eyes wet and warm, and I could feel my throat working.

The whisper started to fade too, slowly following the first little sound, as if it couldn’t exist on its own, but as everything started to darken around me, and inside of me, the sound became clearer to my deaf ears.

Woohyun’s heart beat was gone, and my whisper of his name sounded one last time, before everything around me went black.

\--

Miller stood still and silent, the city now quiet and frozen, the rain thinned into a cold drizzle and the lethargic smoke floating from the burnt debris. Right in front of him, two figures laid on the wet ground, unmoving and dark, resting together as sleeping lovers. He let out a choked scoff.

“Shit…” his strained voice was barely audible “Even now…”

He heard someone come to a halt behind him, a little sound of surprise and a muffled curse. He nodded, knowing that the man behind him knew them too. There was a groan and another choked curse.

“What…? Dammit” a sigh, and a heavy silence, grim and dull. There was a bit of rustle, boots scraping the tranished ground, and another second of silence “They just… they look…”

“Peaceful… ” Miller finished. He took his helmet off and kneeled down slowly, then reached his hand towards the two fallen soldiers and let his fingers softly close the eyelids of the medic. He remained in place for a while, head down and thoughts full of regrets, apologizes and a twisted feeling of disbelief and affection for these two boys that had stuck together until the very end. He reached out one more time to hold the joined hands of the two soldiers in his own “I hope you find each other again… Maybe in the next life” he whispered.

And they would… Of course they would.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you ejoyed it! Or liked it! Or just didn't hate it... :) (?)


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